Whistleblower

A.N. Onymous, Ph.D.

I've managed to infiltrate tight NA'SSA security, in order to blow the whistle on how this ramshackle bunch of underpaid peasants could possibly rival the multi-squillion dollar con merchants, NASA.

Here in the United States of America, the land of 'democracy' and greed, we don't take too kindly to Scottish hillbillies stealing our plunder, I mean, thunder. So I asked my line manager for a back-hander of twenty-five of those strange pound things and set out to create my own comet on a tabletop.

First stop, Woolworths, a store whose roots were laid in the United States of America, the land of bribery and corruption. There, I bought two flashlights for five pounds each.

Next, off to Lidl, an annoyingly efficient chain store from Germany, that loathsome enemy of the United States of America, the land of divorce, sodomite 'marriages' and the best legal system that money can buy. Not even a hint of an apology for the Germans' disgusting opposition to our glorious invasion of Iraq and subsequent torture of what remains of its 'insurgent' population and 'radical' clerics. However, they did have two 36-exposure rolls of 200 ISO Agfa film for the ridiculously low price of £1.99, so I bought them, together with a soldering iron kit at £7. With this, I went to task (see Fig. 1) to create my comet.

Figure 1: Do-it-yourself comet-making kit for nineteen of those strange, British pound things.

After many flicks of the soldering iron, reminiscent of countless hours of fun with useless Tandy and Radio Shack electronics kits back home in the United States of America, that lay-down-your-life-for-Ezra-hell land of Hollywood fakery and fraud, I finally had an image that I could manipulate with a graphics editor, just like NASA do.

And here it is in Fig. 2. (I decided to name it Comet USA-666.)

Figure 2: Comet USA-666, flying past Io at a relative speed between it and the probe of 17,000 miles and 2 inches per hour.

I think this is how NASA, I mean NA'SSA, obtained their preposterous 'comet' photos, and all within budget (it cost me six quid to have the film developed).

Anyway, I gotta go now, before the vicious pack of NA'SSA West Highland White Terrier guard dogs tear a few chunks out of my leg. Just time to lay these fakes out in front of y'all ...